Ah, the wonderful world of bizarro fiction. A place where anything is possible. Anything at all. Located in a universe where the laws of physics and the rules of logic have little if any influence. For the uninitiated, an intimidating and often overwhelming place, to be sure. A place where the inexperienced traveler would do well to follow the lead of a tested and sure footed guide. And who better to the lead the way through such a strange and, on occasion, inhospitable land than one who has been there many times before and has returned each time to tell the tale? Who better than the author of such books as The Kafka Effekt, Stranger on the Loose, and Blankety Blank: A Memoir of Vulgaria? Who better than D. Harlan Wilson?

To give you an idea of what you're in for when you crack open a copy of the author's latest collection of bizarro fiction, They Had Goat Heads, I will reproduce for you here the first story in its entirety. It's entitled "6 Word Scifi." And it goes like this:

Mechanical flaneurs goosestep across the prairie.

That's it. And now we move on to the next one.

"The Movie That Wasn't There" is less than two pages long and starts out with the following paragraph:

I go to a movie and notice I'm starring in it. I don't remember shooting the movie, let alone auditioning for the part. I am not an actor.

And, hey, guess what? After that, it gets really weird. And stays that way throughout the entirety of the collection.

"Monster Truck" is a one page tale that centers around a man who wants to be - - yep, you guessed it - - a monster truck. One night he welded giant wheels onto his elbows and knees...

In "Quality of Life," a man visits a number of different doctors in order to get his nose to stop leaking. Along the way, he fights a bantam weight wrestler, wards off a mugger in an elevator, and gets run over by a rickshaw.

(I did mention this stuff is weird, didn't I?)

In "Chimpanzee," a man is told by a 911 operator that he has to shoot the chimp that has wandered into his house. When the man admits that he doesn't have a gun, the operator offers this little piece of sage advice:

"Then improvise. Stab the monkey with a knife. Bludgeon the primate with a frying pan. Lure the simian into the oven and treat it like a casserole. Do what you must. But do it. Otherwise that hairy interloper may commit a crime. Good luck."

Later on we come to "Hence the Drama." Here, while the story's narrator is shopping for Hawaiian shirts, he is handed a red phone on a platter by a store clerk. After answering the phone, the shopper is told by a voice he does not recognize that he is to hang up in five seconds at which time "something bad will happen."

In "The Kerosene Lantern Tour" a group of people are led on a kerosene lantern tour (you'll just have to read it) for eighty-six days. Then, when the tour guides run out of things to talk about, the group is ordered to jump off a cliff. Plastic garbage bags are used as parachutes. At some point, a morbidly obese woman contemplates an abortion. String cheese gets consumed. An elk is killed. A lot of other craziness ensues.

"P.O. Box 455" tells of one man's rather strange experiences at a local post office.

"Hovercraft" opens with a father stealing a hovercraft, parking it outside of a motel, and then leaving his children.

"The Traumatic Event or The Walri Holocaust or The Hairy Deed or The Man Who Disappeared" is a story in which an awful lot of walruses end up getting killed.

I could go on but I think you get the point.

They Had Goat Heads is not for the average reader, as I'm sure you've figured out by now. Making your way through any one of the more than three dozen stories presented in this collection is like experiencing a waking dream. Along the way, you're not really sure what the hell is going on most of the time but you have to admit that it's anything but boring. And good luck explaining it to anyone when you're done. Talk to the wrong psychologist about this kind of stuff and you might end up in a padded room wearing a white jacket that's just a couple of sizes too small.

Bottom line: If you're into this sort of writing then you'll enjoy D. Harlan Wilson's latest foray into the bizarre and the unusual. But if you like stories that leave little to the imagination, that let you know exactly what they're about along the way, then you should probably look elsewhere.