Halloween (2007)
In this remake of the John Carpenter 1978 classic, Rob Zombie (2003’s House of a 1000 Corpses, 2005’s The Devil's Rejects) adds his own touch by allowing us to spend more time with the dysfunctional Myers family led by Michael’s stepfather, Ronnie, played superbly by character actor William Forsythe (Devils Rejects,) and Michael’s pole-dancing mom, played by Sheri Moon Zombie (The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses). Then comes the famous “Halloween day” scene where Michael, dressed in his signature clown costume, commits his heinous crime and is institutionalized under the care of Dr. Loomis; this time played by Malcolm McDowell. The best part of the film was Zombie’s half, filmed with some unique techniques, slow motion and style, even when delving into the young maniac mind. After Michael escapes from the institution the film pretty much follows Carpenter’s original plot and that’s where it goes flat, becoming just another slasher film and not a very good one at that. The Jamie Lee Curtis babysitter role goes to Kristina Klebe this time and again nothing special here as it sounds like most of the actors are simply going through the motions. The two kids she is babysitting, however, did the best job of convincing me anyone was in real danger. If you’ve seen all the slasher films (like me) and must see this one, you can probably wait for the rental. If you’re new to the genre, as two young teen girls were in my audience, you might still get the creeps, as they certainly did.

Halloween II (2009)
Rob Zombie (House of 1000 Corpses, The Devils Rejects, Halloween (2007)) resurrects Michael Myers from the point where his 2007 remake left off. This time Myers has the spectre of his mother (Sheri Moon Zombie) guiding him to his hometown in search of Angel Myers, the baby sister spared from the carnage of Michael’s heinous Halloween day crime spree. Of course, Angel is grown up now, but Dr. Loomis’ (Malcolm McDowell) new book about Myers reveals Angels’ new identity as Michael clears another path of blood and guts to reach her. The first thing that impressed me about this film was the same thing that impressed me about Zombie’s first Halloween and that was the directing and photography. Zombie does a great job establishing the mood and tension, especially at the beginning of the story. Although somewhat of a cliché, his use of fog and mist still manages to create goose bumps. When I say this film starts where the 2007 film left off, I mean the two films could have been one long film, so if you didn’t see the first you might be left out when it comes to the back story, although there is a vain attempt to cover that. And combined with the 2007 version for one long film is what I felt I was watching, because as with Zombie’s first Halloween, once we get past an interesting, somewhat artistic beginning, the film settles into the rut of a typical hack and slash. I actually found myself looking around the theater at times in boredom. The one saving factor in the plot was the mystery of who Angel had grown up to be. Remember her identity is hidden for most of the film. I was impressed with the rage expressed by Myers in his killings however. Just when you think he is done killing someone, he continues until the victim is little more than pulp, making for some gruesome visuals. All and all, Halloween II is more of the same. Save it for a rental where you can get up for a snack when you need it. I am curious to see what Zombie will do with his remake of The Blob, should that come to pass.

Hannibal
Anthony Hopkins sizzles as our favorite cannibal anti-hero, serving a feast of chills and giggles that stays truer to the book than we were led to believe.

Hannibal Rising
This prequel (directed by TV director Peter Weber) to the Hannibal Lector series tries to explain the behavior of one of our favorite cannibal antiheros. After Hannibal's family is killed toward the end of World War II by the Nazis, an eight-year-old Hannibal (Aaron Thomas) and his little sister, Mischca (Helena Lia Tachovska), hide in the family's country home. Unfortunately, their asylum is invaded by mercenaries trying to escape the Russians and the freezing winter. To survive, the Nazi sympathizers decide they need to EAT Mishca; and especially delicious, we learn, are her cheeks. Hannibal later escapes and grows up in France where he (now played by Gaspard Ulliel) decides to hunt down Mishca's killers. And to inflict a bit of karma, he eats their cheeks. Gaspard Ulliel tries very hard to portray the Hannibal Lector of the later films in terms of personality with his sharp wit and piercing psychological questioning style. Maybe he tries too hard, ending up with more of a shadow puppet than a real-life character. There is also nothing special about Peter Weber's direction and that pretty much sums up the film. Just as Hannibal shows no emotion when taking a lie detector test after the first revenge murder, this film simply goes through the motions, showing little to no emotion, ending up nothing more than so-so.

The Happening
Written, produced and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, The Happening is a Stephen King wanna-be about a mysterious “event” (as its called in the film) taking place in the northeastern part of the United States. No one knows the cause, but something is making everyone commit suicide. After a startling tension-filled opening, the film follows high school science teacher Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) and his wife, Alma (Zooey Deschanel) as they try to stay one step ahead of “the event” hoping to figure it out and keep themselves alive until it is over. For an added touch, they are dragging a friend’s (John Leguizamo) daughter, Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez) with them. Along the way they meet others trying to escape as their stories intertwine. Except for The Sixth Sense, I have not been a fan of Shyamalan’s work and The Happening did nothing to change my mind. The tension is there, but unfortunately, it isn’t maintained enough due mostly to the screen interplay between Wahlberg, who is constantly screeching, “I am a science teacher,” and Deschanel, who delivers all of her lines with the same deadpan expressions. I’ve never liked Deschanel in any of her films for that very reason and I just never bought what Wahlberg was selling because he didn’t seem real enough, delivering his lines like a high school drama student. Supporting characters like teenagers Josh and Jared (Spencer Breslin and Robert Bailey Jr.), as well as a nursery owner (Frank Collision) are more dynamic than the stars. Another major problem is that Shyamalan shoves the film’s moral down our throats. The Happening, touted as his first “R Rated” film, treats the audience like children by telling them the moral not once, but twice. In cinema, adult oriented films should let the audience figure out the moral. It’s in children’s films that a character needs to explain what the film is about. I would have expected Shyamalan to know that. Add to this some poor directing and bad choices for a musical score during scenes between Wahlberg and Deschanel that brought the tension to a screeching halt and you end up with a film that is not worth your time or money. While it was morbidly fun watching people commit suicide, The Happening will probably be one of those films you either love or hate. I hated it.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Charming" and "magical" came to mind as I wished a giant would knock on my front door to tell me I was really a wizard. I was with Harry on the train, in the boats, entering the magical dining room, wearing the sorting hat, flying a broomstick, attending spell casting and potion classes. The visuals were what I expected a top notch sorcerer's school to look like as we spend the first 2 hours of a 2-hour film exploring the wonderful world of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Then, finally, for the last 30 minutes a plot unfolded that reminded me why I was unable to read the book. This one's for the kiddies. But, if you can tolerate names like Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Muggles, you'll enjoy this flight of fancy while you wait for that giant's knock.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry returns to Hogwarts School and brings the rest of us along if box office receipts are an indicator. This time, someone has opened a secret chamber releasing a monster and the only thing to do is close the school. Enter Harry and his pals. Again, the visuals are top notch and again the film is ripe with scenery and atmosphere. And again the plot falls flat leaving me uncaring even when the characters seemed so distressed. One thing bugs me about that game Harry plays. If catching that little "thing" that Harry always does wins the game, then why do they keep score for the other balls if they don't matter? The only phrase that came to mind was "Much Ado About Nothing." And it was thirty minutes too long. See you at the next one!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Its back to Hogwarts School for Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliff), Hermione (Emma Watson), and Rupert (Ron Weasley), but this time fear haunts the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when the students and faculty learn that Sirius Black (Gary Oldman) has escaped from Azkaban Prison where he was imprisoned for killing Harry's parents. And he's coming to kill Harry. In spite of the looming danger we still manage to accompany Harry to classes, experience the obligatory confrontations with Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton), and even play yet another game of Quidditch, although this time in the rain. Unfortunately, for me, the charm of the first film has waned, so even though the sets and scenery were still visually impressive, I felt as though I'd seen it all before. And as is typical for a Harry Potter film (I haven't read the books), it takes a long time to get to the point. Too long! Again it's not until the last thirty minutes that the story actually plays out, but by then I was squirming in my seat. There were some cool banshees and a cool half-eagle half-horse creature, but other than that it was the same old stuff we've seen in the other films—where it was done better. With more Harry Potter films planned, I hope they come up with a way to bring back the pizzazz.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
It's Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) Potter's fourth year at Hogwarts and time for the Triwizard Tournament, where Hogwarts' champion, Cedric Diggory (Robert Pattinson), must compete against the champions of two other magic schools, Fleur Delacour (Clemence Poesy) of the all-female Beauxbatons Academy and Viktor Krum (Stanislav Ianevski) of the all-male Durmstrang Institute. But, even after the three required seventeen-year-old-and-over contestants are chosen, fourteen-year-old Harry Potter's name is magically drawn as a fourth contestant, turning the entire Hogwarts School against our hero, even his best friend, Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint), who accuse him of cheating. Fortunately, all is forgiven and forgotten when Harry and the others have to face dragons, angry mermaids, and a living maze in quest of the prized cup. But the real evil lies beneath the surface of this story as Harry's arch nemesis, Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes), plans his return with the help of his equally evil followers, some of whom lie hidden among the good wizards of Hogwarts. By no accident, the Harry Potter series has come of age and has finally reached a level where adults can join in the fun. If you haven't noticed, this is the first time I've spent so much serious time on the plot of a Harry Potter story and believe me, I've left out plenty so as not to give too much away. But, finally, this story is tightly woven with subplots and secrets only revealed toward the end, bringing everything together rather well. As usual, the visuals are wonderful (great dragons), once again transporting us to a world of magic, but this time around we leave the confines of the academy for a more international feel. There are even tinges of "love" for our trio, brought out by a grand ball, which also leads to jealousy, more signs that the kids are growing up. Goblet of Fire is the most serious and dramatic film of the series so far and it left me thinking (having not read the books) that the best is yet to come. If you haven't seen a Harry Potter film, you might want to start now. And if you have seen the others, this one is worth a trip to the theater, if for no other reason than to be with a large group to share the experience of a very dramatic climax that left many on the screen and in the audience in tears.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Television director David Yates (also director of the upcoming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) directs the continuing adventures of Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliff), Hermione (Emma Watson), and Rupert (Ron Weasley). I emphasize “continuing” because this installment takes up where The Goblet of Fire left off. So much that people who didn’t see Goblet may actually wonder what all the fuss is about. What is the fuss? Harry is shunned by many of the students at Hogwarts Academy who blame him for the death of Cedric Diggory (Robert Pattinson) in the last film. But Harry maintains it was the evil Lord Voldemont (Ralph Fiennes) who did the deed. Unfortunately, only Harry saw it happen. Even the Ministry of Magic puts Harry on trial for a crime and takes over Hogwarts turning it into more of a prison run by the new headmaster, Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton), who does such a great job of making the audience hate her. But Sirius Black (Gary Oldman) believes Harry and inducts him into the Order of the Phoenix, an organization founded to fight Voldemort. If this is starting to sound more dramatic and dark than the previous films, you’re correct. As Harry grows older, the stories grow more dramatic and even darker, making me wonder if some of the youngest fans out there will be able to sit through this one. The 10-year-old with me had no problem and even liked the film, but I found it tedious at times. I could see that events were building toward a showdown, but the film could have used some tightening and editing to speed things along. As usual, the sets were wonderful, taking us once again to this magical world. And, as was started in Goblet, even more action takes place outside of Hogwarts. This time we ride brooms along the Thames and visit the Ministry of Magic hidden below London. All of the other regular characters are back, but one new character of note is the murdering mad witch, Bellatrix Lestrange, played by one of my favorite actors, Helena Bonham Carter (2005’s Corpse Bride, 1981’s Merlin, as Morgan Le Fey). She’s not in the film much, but when she is, she steals the screen time. All in all, Order of the Phoenix achieves its goal, making me want to see the next film.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
It’s back to Hogwarts for Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Ron (Rupert Grint), and Hermione (Emma Watson) after the battle with the dark forces and the death of Harry’s friend, Sirius Black in The Order of the Phoenix. However, love is in the air this time and the love bug has bitten the young teens. Harry has a crush on Ginny Weasley (Bonnie Wright), which upsets Ron; Hermione has a crush on Ron Weasley, as does Lavender Brown (Jessie Cave), but Ron has a crush on someone else. Love stinks! Meanwhile, Lord Voldemort has sent a group of assassins to kill Dumbledore (Michael Gambon). To be honest, having not read the book, I was expecting more about the assassination plot than the various teen love stories, which disappointed me. I must be getting old. The first two hours of the film crawled for me as I plodded through the endless dialogue, at times referring to sexuality. Like when Ron asks Harry if he "did it" with his sister, not meaning sex, but getting chuckles from the audience. The kids have grown up. The redeeming quality was the subplot about Tom Riddle’s (the future Voldermort) past as a student at the academy and his early interest in the dark arts as expressed to the mysterious Professor Horace Slughorn. But from what I hear, that plot line was shortened from what it was in the book, although it still managed to bring to light a side of Draco Malfoy’s (Tom Felton) personality we haven’t seen yet, as well as solidifying some suspicions we’ve had about Professor Severus Snape (Alan Rickman) since the beginning. Finally, after those grueling two hours passed, the real action starts and takes the film to a rousing finish. If only I didn’t have to wait so long. My final impression was that this film was a weak bridge between Order of the Phoenix and the last two films in the series Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Parts I (2010) and II (2011) when Harry most finally face Voldermort. Some notable roles included Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy, for the reason’s mentioned above; Evanna Lynch as the eccentric Luna Lovegood who captured all her scenes; Hero Fiennes-Tiffin and Frank Dillane for their eerie portrayals of Tom Riddle at 11 and 16-years old; and Helena Bonham Carter for her role as one of Voldemort’s dark supporters. And, as usual, there are some great visuals like the Death Eater ride through London streets. Of course, when leaving the theater I expressed my disappointment with the first two hours to my 12-year-old who totally disagreed with me, saying he really liked The Half-Blood Prince. Everyone’s a critic. It’s a good thing he doesn’t know magic. So, in conclusion, if you’ve seen the other films, you can’t stop now, just be sure to have some under sixteen’s with you because this is one of the weaker films in the series.

Hart's War
If you're looking for action in your war film skip this one. But if you don't mind an interesting drama about prejudice among Americans in a German POW camp, which although slow at times, leads to an interesting pay-off with a twist that (kind of) makes the whole thing worth it, then check it out. I especially enjoyed the subdued though "grizzled" looking Bruce Willis as Colonel McNamara and Marcel Iures as the camps' German commander.

Haunted Mansion
Director Rob Minkoff (Stuart Little, The Lion King) takes us on one of Disneyland's most famous rides in Haunted Mansion as real estate brokers Jim and Sara Evers (Eddie Murphy and Marsha Thomason) and their children (Marc John Jefferies, Aree Davis) get the chance to sell Gracey Mansion. But soon after arriving, they learn the inhabitants of the mansion have special plans for Sara. It seems Sara is the double of Master Gracey's (Nathaniel Parker) dead fiancée and he wants Sara to take the dead woman's place. It doesn't take long to realize that the inhabitants of the mansion are ghosts and soon thereafter ghouls are coming out of their graves to help secure their master's plans. Again I wasn't expecting much, and again I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this film. It does crawl through the plot at first, but as soon as things become unglued, the plot flies. Especially responsible for holding this film together are Terence Stamp as Ramsley the ghostly butler and Wallace Shawn and Dina Spybey as the dead servants. Also, as with Pirates of the Caribbean, there's fun looking out for scenes taken straight from the ride. While the zombies might scare the little ones, my six-year-old didn't budge through the whole film. This is a good holiday film for the family.

The Haunting (1999)
Reminded me of the old-style horror films, but this was more "fairy tale" than horror. See the original!

HellBoy
Toward the end of World War II, when the Russian mystic, Rasputin (Karel Roden), tries to open Hell's portal so he can release demons to help Hitler conquer the world, his evil plans are thwarted by a squad of American GIs. But before the American soldiers can close the door, something comes through . . . and they named it, HellBoy (Ron Perlman). Thus the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense was born. Think of it as the Men in Black fighting demons. Jump to the present where Rasputin returns from the dead with the aid of Kroenen, a really cool undead creature and student of the Black Arts with an on-screen presence that reminded me of Boba Fett. Rasputin still wants to conquer the world, so this time he releases a Hound of Hell to do his bidding. And the BPRD sends HellBoy, and a fish-like humanoid creature from another world, Abe Sapien (Doug Jones), into action to stop the mad man and save the world. After watching the pre-opening credits teaser I settled in for what I thought would be a great film. Production values looked high, the special effects looked top notch with high energy action and great looking cinematography. Right about now I'm thinking, this is the best comic book to film adaptation. But then the film began and it was all down hill. Once again I found a film with a wonderful teaser (see my review of Dawn of the Dead) that was unable to continue the high standards of its first 10 minutes. Ron Perlman is a wonderfully sarcastic HellBoy, delivering witty deadpan lines, but he couldn't save yet another film with interesting and colorful characters (see my review of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) that failed to utilize its potential. A good example of how watching this film feels is when HellBoy needs to fight the original Hell Hound's offspring, which look exactly like their progenitor. He asks the hound, "Didn't I already kill you?" And that's how I felt. HellBoy had become the same thing over and over and that becomes boring quick, even when directed by Guillermo Toro (Blade II, Devil's Backbone, Mimic). Save this for a weekend rental. However, before seeing this film, I learned that some people actually believe HellBoy is real and that the BPRD actually exists today as yet another clandestine government agency. There are even supposed to be actual photos of HellBoy and the GIs who found him. Now that's interesting.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Written and directed by Guillermo Del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy, Blade II, Mimic, and the upcoming The Hobbit 1 and 2), Hellboy II starts with the history between humans and fantasy creatures. After losing a great battle at the hands of an indestructible golden army built by goblins, the humans call for a truce. King Balor’s (Roy Dotrice) divides his crown into three pieces so the golden army could never again be called into action. The fantasy creatures receive the underworld to rule while the humans receive the surface. Two parts of the crown remain with the royal fantasy family, while one piece goes to the humans. Move to present day where we find Prince Nuada (Luke Goss) looking to reconnect the three pieces so he can control the golden army and reclaim the surface world for fantasy creatures. All that stands in his way is Hellboy, played by Ron Perlman; Liz—fire girl—Sherman, played by Selma Blair; Abe Sapien, the half-man, half-fish played by Doug Jones; and Johann Krauss, a gaseous being living in what looks like a deep sea diver’s suit—voice of Seth MacFarlane. I wasn’t a big fan of  2004’s Hellboy, in spite of Guillermo Del Toro’s direction, but after seeing the same kinds of creatures he used in Pan’s Labyrinth (one of my favorite films) appearing in Hellboy II, I knew I had to see this film. As far as new and interesting creatures—I wasn’t disappointed. Especially entertaining were the “Tooth Fairies,” little winged creatures with giant teeth who feed on bones, skin, and teeth—thus their name. Watching them attack their human prey was actually exciting. Del Toro also takes us into the Troll market, hidden deep under the human city, where we enter a world reminiscent of the Cantina scene from Star Wars. My eyes bounced from one incredible creature to another, wishing Del Toro would slow down so I could get a better look. The action was fast and furious most of the time with Hellboy shooting off his big gun and big mouth. However, Hellboy II follows a story line we’ve seen before so I can’t say that’s what makes it unique. What does make this film worth seeing is Del Toro’s one of a kind fantasy creatures, original music by Danny Elfman, cinematography by Guillermo Navarro (Pan’s Labyrinth), production design by Stephen Scott, art direction by Peter Francis, set decoration by Elli Griff, costume design by Sammy Sheldon, and makeup by Orso Balla. Just don’t expect anything new from Hellboy. If you miss it in theaters, it might be worth a look on rental.

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
In this adaptation of his 1977 version, Wes Craven takes the role of producer and leaves the directing and writing to the mostly unknown French director, Alexandre Aja. Other than that, most else stays the same. This time out, the Carter Family (Kathleen Quinlan as the mother; Ted Levine as the father; Emilie de Ravin as the daughter; Dan Byrd as the son), along with Vinessa Shaw as the married daughter with a baby and Aaron Stanford as her husband, decide to travel to San Diego via the desert. I know—why? Along they way, they meet the obligatory old man in the "last chance" gas station, and soon end up trapped and isolated by a family of mutant inbred cannibals. Now it's the all-American family against the cannibals. Again, we have a film that takes longer than usual to get started as they have us meet the Carters—time my friend and I spent trying to decide who should die first. I assume the director was trying to get us to bond with the family, but again, his success will be left for you to decide. Finally, when the cannibals attacked, things definitely got very brutal and relentless. Events happened quickly and when the dust cleared, I was actually surprised as to who made it this far. For the rest of the film, the surviving Carter family vs. the surviving mutant family follows a standard formula with a few unintentional laughs from the "over-the-top" mutants. Other than the sometimes-intriguing plot, there's really nothing else special about this version of Craven's 1977 groundbreaker except for the fact that you will probably not drive across any more deserts after seeing this and 2005's Wolf Creek. As a fan of the genre, I would probably put this on a rental list if I missed it in the theaters, since it did have it moments.

The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)
Wes Craven (director and or writer of such classics as the original The Hills Have Eyes I and II, the Scream films, Nightmare on Elm Street and so many more) shared the writing for this one with his son, Jonathon, and turned the directing over to newcomer Martin Weisz for a winning "must see" formula. The Hills Have Eyes II for 2007 updates the story to a squad of National Guardsmen delivering supplies to a group of scientists in the now thought to be "deserted" atomic bomb testing ground. But when they arrive at the scientist's camp, everyone is gone and their search is interrupted by a family of cannibalistic mutant miners with dinner on their mind. This film starts with a double bang—two teasers. The first teaser (first ten minutes or so) introduces us to the savagery of the mutants, while the second teaser has us meet the inexperienced National Guard squad during training; setting the stage and pace for what's to come. Both scenes are tense and fast moving and that sums up this film. Everything works here. The National Guard characters are as believable as the mutants are without mercy. I loved every nail-biting minute. Think Aliens with mutants. This is a must-see for fans of the genre or the series (old or new.) If you miss it in the theaters, rent it on DVD. And note that this one earns the "R" rating with plenty of mutilations and gore, although at times it's so over the top the audience and I laughed out loud, adding to our ghoulish fun. Don't be surprised if a The Hills Have Eyes III is in the works.

Hollowman
Incredible special effects highlight this "mad scientist's experiment gone wrong" plot.

The Host (Gwoemul - South Korea - subtitled)
The film opens in a lab where an American doctor orders his Korean assistant to dump hundreds of bottles of a toxic chemical down the sink where it will end up in Seoul's Han River. Soon thereafter, a group of sunbathers notice a strange sight at the waters' edge and go to investigate. As you should have guessed by now, the toxic chemicals created a giant mutant creature (part fish, part amphibian with fins, legs, arms, and hands.) The creature actually looked pretty cool as it ran and hopped along the land attacking the onlookers by sweeping some away and gobbling some up. One of the people grabbed by the monster is Park Hyn-seo (Ah-sung Ko) as her helpless father, Park Gang-Du (Kang-ho Song), looks on. For some reason known only to the writers, the creature doesn't kill Hyn-seo, but leaves her trapped in its den. Now the real story begins as Hyun-seo's father and the rest of her family (played by Hie-bong Byeon, Hae-il Park, and Du-na Bae) search for the missing child. But the writers also decided to throw in a story about a fake virus sprinkled with political statements aimed at South Korea and the United States. And that's where things really go haywire. They should have stayed with the "monster on the loose" plot, which reminded me (at least at the beginning of the film) of such classics as 1955's It Came from Beneath the Sea and 1953's The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms. Unfortunately, the added plots disrupted what could have otherwise been a decent monster movie. The other problem I had was trying to decide if this was a comedy. Sometimes the audience was laughing out loud and then the tone would turn depressing and sad for a while. Then when the comedy returned, it wasn't always funny. There were also some definite pot shots at Korean culture that went over my head. If you are still interested in The Host, I'd wait for it to become available as a DVD rental, but again, don't expect a great monster film.

Hostel
Eli Roth (2002's Cabin Fever) goes over the top as writer and director of Hostel, a tale (supposedly based on a true story) about three tourists (Jay Hernandez as Paxton—an American, Derek Richardson as Josh—another American, and Eythor Gudjonsson as Oli—an Icelander) backpacking through Europe. While partying in Amsterdam, they hear of the ultimate Slovakian party town where all their wildest fantasies can come true, and so it seems when they arrive to sex, drugs, and rock and roll a plenty. But things start to get suspicious when the first of the trio disappears and all searches lead to dead ends and apathetic natives. I can't go into any more of the story because of some interesting plot twists I didn't see coming that helped make this film a hit for me. But that wasn't all that worked! While this film is a bit slow to start (I mean how many naked breasts can you look at before you start asking for a story?), once it gets going it is a roller coaster—a very tense and gory rollercoaster. You've heard about the torture scenes and, yes, expect them. They are tense and very real-looking, enough to make you twitch and squirm and think, thank god it's not me. But once the real plot and protagonists are sorted out, along with a tight script and good set-ups and pay-offs, this film had me hooked. I knew I was on this ride until the end because I wanted the hero to win more than any film I've seen in a long time. I was cheering for him with all my energy. Of course, I can't give the ending away, but I was very satisfied. Had this film not had the gore and torture, it would have opened it up to a much wider audience, and when I think of all the people who won't see it because of the no-holds-barred violence, I feel bad because they are actually missing a very good thriller—a film as tense as 1991's Academy Award-winning Silence of the Lambs. See Hostel before it leaves the theaters and, if you miss it there, put it on your must-rent or Netflix list—just be sure the kids have left the room.

Hostel: Part II
Written and directed by Eli Roth (2005's Hostel, 2002's Cabin Fever), Hostel II takes up exactly where Hostel left off. A very paranoid Paxton (Jay Hernandez) wakes from a nightmare that fills us in on what had happened to him and his two friends in the first film. Next we join three females (Lauren German as Beth, Heather Matarazzo as Lorna, and Bijou Phillips as Whitney,) three backpackers in Rome who get detoured from their trip to Prague by a model (Vera Jordanova as Axelle) who convinces them to seek out a wonderful natural hot spring spa in Slovakia. Seemingly by accident, Axelle ends up joining the three travelers and takes them to stay at the same Hostel from the original Hostel, where we see familiar faces and (if you saw the first film) quickly see through the friendly overtures of the natives. But don't expect more of the same. One thing that makes this one different is we meet two American clients (Roger Bart as Stuart and Richard Burgi as Todd) who have paid $100,000 for a kill. Considerable time is spent meeting them as they prepare to meet their quarry. It is time well spent, adding to the depth of the film. But don't worry, the torture is still there. In fact, the first character sacrificed left me feeling numb. What also makes this film work is not knowing what's going to happen next and not seeing some things coming. One scene in particular had all the men in the audience squirming in their seats. I was also more aware of the background music in Hostel II, which did a fine job of adding to the atmosphere and drama. Hostel II moves faster than the first Hostel and is a must-see for fans. If you missed the first one, no problem, like I said, you'll be brought up to speed quickly and knee-deep in blood soon enough. Enjoy!

House of 1000 Corpses
In Rob Zombie's first celluloid outing, two couples on a rode trip documenting weird out-of-the-way places to visit travel a side rode searching for the truth behind the Doctor Satan legend. And they get enough material for an entire book when they are held hostage by the Fireflys, a family who become the couples worst nightmare. If you think you've seen this before, you haven't! This is Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Clive Barker with "style." Rob Zombie does a great job in the writing and directing departments by interweaving surrealistic, flashback, and film negative scenes with colorful characters and a story that does follow the rules most of the time, but deviates enough to keep it fresh. One of my favorite techniques is his breaking away to documentary style scenes where the killers talk to the audience as if in an interview or just put on a show in the middle of the mayhem and carnage to reinforce our assumptions that these characters are totally insane. But that's the true horror, because there is absolutely no way to reason with these people. They are going to do some horrific things to you and that's it, so expect some bloody horror here. This one is for die-hard fans of the slasher genre who enjoy watching other peoples' nightmares. This is not for the faint-hearted. And I liked it, a lot, even though I'll never look at full-body rabbit costumes the same way again. Kudos to Capt. Spaulding; Mother, Otis, Baby, and Tiny Firefly.

House of the Dead
After a group of forgettable characters misses the boat to an island Rave party they hire Captain Kirk (Jurgen Prochow) and his First Mate, Salish (Clint Howard), to ferry them to the party site, which is found abandoned having been overrun by zombies. Now the group and a few survivors must try to survive. Fortunately, Captain Kirk is a gun smuggler and he just happens to have a cache of automatic weapons handy. That's the type of film this is. Contrivances, bad acting with lines delivered flat and emotionless, and no one really to cheer for, not even the zombies. There was an attempt to jazz up the action with some "Matrix"-styled slow-motion fire fights, but even that became bland. And bland is the best description of this film. There's nothing to grab onto to take you through the film. If you are a die-hard zombie fan and must see this one, you'll be renting a film penned by Mark Altman and Dave Parker, whose previous credits include "Free Enterprise" and a few obscure "Making of" documentaries. Sorry guys, but you also missed the boat. Playing the arcade game is much more fun.

House of Wax
Veteran horror producers Robert Zemeckis and Joel Silver (Gothica, Ghost Ship, Thirteen Ghosts, Demon Knight give first-time director Jaume Serra a stab at the thriller House of Wax. Carly (Elisha Cuthbert) and her boyfriend, Blake (Robert Ri'chard), are joined by Carly's brother, Nick (Chad Michael Murry), and friends Paige (Paris Hilton), Wade (Jared Padalecki), and Dalton (Jon Abrahams) as they hit the road north heading for the big game (football, I think). But after a suspicious stranger in a truck sidetracks Carly and Blake, they seek help in a small town where they soon discover that everyone is made of wax. I admit I started off disliking every character, finding them all rather irritating. And even though the story took its time getting to the action (almost an hour) I found myself surprisingly patient, waiting for the expected. So while this one definitely started out like all the rest with a road trip taking a wrong turn, enough twists and unexpected turns kept my attention as I actually found myself wondering what would happen next and even cared about the characters I had originally hoped would all get killed. The real hook for this film is the subplot of the demented twins keeping their mother's wax museum alive by filling it with stranded travelers and possibly the townspeople themselves. Even the horror of watching them turning victims into wax figures came off spooky and creepy. And while the only other film I'd seen with Paris Hilton was her Internet debut, which she parodies in this film, I found her no worse than any of the other "stars." She even dies in a cool way, as far as slasher film deaths go. So see this in the theaters with a group if you can, but if you miss it, add it to your must rent list and "be patient" as it does take its time getting to the reasons we go see these films.

House on Haunted Hill
They should give the million dollars to anyone who makes it through the film.

The Hulk
Director Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) tackles the story of Bruce Banner (Eric Banner), the man who fights his alter-ego: the Hulk. This version begins with Bruce Banner's father performing strange experiments. You realize this guy isn't all there when he starts performing genetic experiments on his child, the young Bruce. When daddy finally freaks out, he destroys a government lab before returning home to torment his household where something happens behind closed doors that we don't see, but it haunts Bruce into adulthood. Skip into the future where Bruce, now a scientist himself, is also working on experiments similar to his father's. Finally, after 40 minutes, Bruce faces his alter-ego, the Hulk, as well as his father (now played by Nick Nolte) and the United States military lead by Sam Elliot. My biggest concern in seeing this film was whether or not Lee could pull-off using a computer generated Hulk. My concerns were unwarranted. The CGI Hulk works fine! It's the rest of the film that bothered me. Ang Lee, during an interview, claimed he was interested in Bruce Banner's torment. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to come through to me. For me, the most complex character was Nolte's mad scientist in a plot that spent too much time rehashing the events of the opening 30 minutes as if we'd forget. Then, when the Hulk appears for some destruction scenes, it's like watching the PlayStation 2 video game. At least on the PS2 I was involved. Sure, there are things gettin' blowed up, but no one ever dies, or gets hurt, a point emphasized with dialogue and the plot, although trying, never really seems to take off, instead coming across as a 120-minute Act I set-up. Does this mean there's another film in the works? Warning: My five-year-old hardly sat still, so think about bringing young ones along. Oh yeah, almost forgot, there's also the obligatory love interest: Betty Ross (Jennifer Connelly).